ovi su strašni!

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion

for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an

embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met

a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would

marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the

marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme

sacrifice and gave up beans.

Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on his

birthday and on the way home from work, his car broke down.

Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her

that he would be late because he had to walk home. On his way

home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked

beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk

he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home.

It was, after all, his birthday. So he went in and ordered, and

before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans. 

All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he

felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed

somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most

wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a

blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the

table and made him promise not to peak. At this point he was

beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was

about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again

made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she

went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the

opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was

not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time

breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about

him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came

on. He raised his leg and RRIIPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel

engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he

tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would

dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon

winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a

minute later the flowers on the table were dead.

With his blindfold still on, when he heard the phone farewells

he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top

of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when

his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if

he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not

peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated

around the table for his surprise birthday party.

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have
dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the
girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would
like to go out and make love for the first time. 
 
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so
he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The
pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy
everything there is to know about condoms and sex. 
 
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms
he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy
insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather
busy, it being his first time and all. 
 
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and
meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to
meet my parents, come on in!" 
 
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the
girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace
and bows his head. 
 
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his
head down. 
 
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. 
 
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend
leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you
were this religious." 
 
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was
a pharmacist."
 
 
 

Pregenijalan:

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a monkey. The shop owner points to 3
> identical looking monkeys on a perch and says the monkey on the left cost
$
> 500.00,
> Why does that one cost so much? asked the shopper.
> The owner says well the monkey knows how to use a computer.
> The man then asks about the next monkey and was told that this one cost
> $1000.00 because it can do everthing the other monkey can do plus it knows
> the Unix operating system.
> Naturally the increasingly startled man asks about the third monkey to be
> told that it costs $ 2000.00 !!
> Needles to say this begs the question.
> What can it do?
> To which the owner replies:
> To be honest I have never seen him do a thing but the other two call him
> BOSS....

Evo jedan dobar na eng ali mislim da nije potrebno prevodit (ali hvala na uloženom trudu) jerbo mislim da se gubi draž a i svi znamo eng

Evo preveo sam vic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Djevojka : "Oprostite mi oče zato što sam sagriješila."
Svečenik : "Što si učinila, dijete moje?"
Djevojka : "Nazvala sam čovjeka kurvinim sinom."
Svečenik : "Zašto si ga nazvala kurvinim sinom?"
Djevojka : "ZAto što mi je dotaknuo ruku."
Svečenik : "Ovako?" (kao što on dotiče njenu ruku)
Djevojka : "Da, oče."
Svečenik : "."To nije razlog da se čovjeku kaže da je kurvin sin.
Djevojka : "Tada mi je dotaknuo sisu."
Svečenik : "Ovako?" (kao što on prima njenu sisu)
Djevojka : "Da, oče."
Svečenik : "To nije razlog da ga nazoveš kurvinim sinom."
Djevojka : "Tada mi je skinuo odjeću, oče."
Svečenik : "Ovako?" (kao što on skida njenu odjeću)
Djevojka : "Da, oče."
Svečenik : "To nije razlog da ga nazoveš kurvinim sinom."
Djevojka : "Tada mi je ugurao svog znate već što u moju znate već gdje."
Svečenik : "Ovako?" (kao što on ugura svog znaš već što u njenu znaš već gdje)
Djevojka : "DA, OČE, DA, OČE, DA, OČE!!!"
(nakon nekoliko minuta)
Svečenik : "To nije razlog da mu kažeš da je kurvin sin."
Djevojka : "Ali, oče, imao je sidu!"
Svečenik : "TAJ KURVIN SIN!!!"

Evo jedan pravi vic:

Girl : "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest : "What have you done my child?"
Girl : "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest : "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl : "Because he touched my hand."
Priest : "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl : "Yes father."
Priest : "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl : "Then he touched my breast."
Priest : "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl : "Yes father."
Priest : "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl : "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest : "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl : "Yes father."
Priest : "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl : "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest : "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know
where)
Girl : "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
(after a few minutes)
Priest : "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl : "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest : "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"